Review: Adam & Eve’s Tantalizer Clit Suction Massager

Let’s say you’ve had a rough day. You’re tired it’s 3 am and you just want to get to sleep, it doesn’t help that your house is in the high 80’s despite the buzzing of a swamp cooler. So you say to yourself  “You know what puts me to sleep real quick? A good orgasm.”  In that case I would usually my trusty Womanizer Deluxe, go to town and then hit the hay a happy lady. But noooo I had to test out a new gadget that was staring at me from across the room still in its pretty black box.
Soo I pull out my favorite water based lube, some cooling clit stimulate and I’m ready to be amazed. Ohhh lordy.

The Tantalizer is one of the newest creations  by the Adult toy juggernaut Adam and Eve. This toy was being pimped out as “Powerful Suction Stimulation that Gives You Near-Instant O’s!” It was the Womanizer on a budget. Waves of pleasure with 8 amazing functions including multiple suction strengths, pulsation, and patterns. The head is removable and adjustable so it can be used for testicular stimulation and nipple stimulation.

The possibilities were endless. What did this toy end up being?

Absolute HELL! I’ve had my fair share of uncomfortable toys it comes with the territory  of reviewing these things, but I have never been in soo much pain soo quickly. The “rhythmic pulsation, escalating waves of intensity” were more like having a vacuum hose trying to rip the flesh off of my pubic mound (mons pubis).  I tried adjust it, but just trying to pry that sucker off my body felt like ripping a flesh eating parasite off my vagina. Once peeled off I tried to adjust the suctions which is difficult when you consider that both the power button and the functions button have almost identical designs. Regardless I adjusted and tried again.

Yeah no.

I warn you if you have even a semblance of pubic hair or a fleshy mound for my curvier ladies this thing will kill you. The only setting I could find that didn’t make me feel like I wanted to die was the pulsation one, mainly because it let go of me in intervals.

I can see what the intention was; ballin on a budget. “Oh you don’t have Womanizer money, here’s something waaay cooler. “ It’s blue, rechargeable, made of super soft silicone and has a super whimsical design. (This thing looks like the Ducks in Tulgey Wood in Alice in Wonderland.) But if there’s one thing that I HIGHLY suggest you do is spend the money. There’s a reason why this toy is $99, (give it a couple of months and this thing will be red tagged in the high $40 range guaranteed.)

I went on A&E website to see what the people had to say because you know sometimes you’re the only one with a problem, but no. The Tantalizer currently stands with a 1 ½ star rating. My favorite rating was aptly titled Ouch, Ouch,Ouch and read:

I tried this product twice and it’s just painful. I would not recommend this to anyone and I wish I could give it 0 stars.”

I feel you anonymous. Overall this toy gets a big fat F from me.

While the removable head would in theory be great for stimulating different parts of the body and the fact that it is rechargeable and comes with Evolved Novelties 5 year warranty might be a ton of  plusses I cannot in good consciousness EVER recommend this to someone looking for a clitoral suction toys.

So my dears as the good sex toy reviewer I am I would like to offer you some vastly greater  alternatives: You can’t go wrong with the Womanizer Deluxe  you can find it on Amazon for $119. There’s also the Womanizer Pro  not a Womanizer lover? There’s also the Lelo Sona There are soooooo many better things. My god. So many.

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